Ok, I know a lot of people think that PMS is bullshit, but I'm here to tell you that it is NOT. It's real, and I deal with it for a week out of every month.
When I was younger, I never really had any problems. As I got older, I got hit hard with some of the major symptoms: horrible mood swings and emotional outbursts, jittery nerves, headaches, water bloat, and the worst of all, ravenous appetite. All I want to do is eat, and I'm not talking about carrots and lettuce, and Friday night through Saturday afternoon, I gave in.
Friday night I was craving sweets. I had bought some Snackwell's Devil Food Cookies for our game night (which never came to be), which were 1 point each. I ate four of them. I also had a caramel apple (3 points), and a few jellybeans. This was spread out over the night, but somehow I still managed to stay -4 below my points for the day. Still, it pissed me off that I gave in to the sweets and let my appetite control me. And of course, I was all emotional about my inability to stave off the ravenous appetite.
On Saturday, I "confessed" to a friend, and felt better that I was aware of the power that food still has over me, and made a choice to find some sort of tea or over the counter mediciation to help me deal with these really crappy PMS symptoms. I don't want anything getting me off track - even my own body's chemical reactions.
Still, yesterday was a disaster. I didn't plan, and I was rushing around. I haven't been getting much sleep, so I ended up sleeping in until 11:00, which is pretty much unheard of for me these days. I woke up, got dressed, and had to drop my dog Julip off at my parent's house for the night before I went to run some errands and then go to a concert. I realized as I was going there that I hadn't eaten anything and wouldn't have time to eat before the concert. So, I pulled through McDonald's drivethru. Yes. I did.
I got a cheeseburger and chicken mcnuggets. And now, not only did I make an awful choice, but I'm letting that choice consume me with guilt. It's the only thing I ate yesterday, but I know how horrible 1) the choice was and 2)how horrible it was to punish myself and not eat anything else.
It's pretty clear that although I'm winning the war, I'm still fighting a lot of smaller battles.
So today, I'm going to the market and buying LOTS of veggies. I need to make smarter, more prepared choices. And say goodbye to cheeseburgers once and for all.
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2 comments:
As my brother said, "it took you 28 years to learn these bad habits. You're not going to change them overnight, but as long as you can recognize that, you'll move in the right direction."
I think you're right up this alley. Remember, don't bust your balls over this - it's what you do next that counts.
Even though you aren't happy with your choices, you have to realize that you RECOGNIZED the problem. How many months...years have passed where you wouldn't have even thought twice about eating DOUBLE the amount of food. So don't beat yourself up...you HAVE made progress!
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